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these excuses calloused and overused. build a shelter. build a fire. warm my bones and find protection or just hide away and burn my mind. can't keep track of what i've lost. callous.

i'm an easy going even tempered person. i do not feel guilt. it seems as if i have no feelings but i lose my cool over common everyday things. if only my lungs could take in the soil. if only the roots could merge with my bones. i've had difficulty concentrating. i can't remember who i wanted to be. i do not feel safe in my current residence all my neighbors are plotting against me. my basement is full of firearms and explosives. i'm gonna make my mark in history.

will i find myself buried under a lie that hides the scrutiny of your eyes. is it fascinating are you enjoying yourself watching me decay. witnessing me disassemble myself in hopes i'll find the part that's broken. what kept me glued together. all the guilt you made me feel. is it safe to say you wanted to pull me down. you wanted to make sure i could never stand up again. you didn't just want to leave. you wanted to leave me powerless and ashamed of being myself and refusing to play it your way. get the fuck away from me. get out of my life. you leave a bad taste in my mouth
and i can't spit you out.

you've got that special something. something that i hate. always told you'll amount to nothing but one day you'll be great. you'll make it big i can tell. cities crumble in your wake. you've always been good at the hard sell. never give only take. steal what they feel. take what you can take. can't pull one over on me. i know you're a fake. the lie becomes clearer with every word you say. befriend me and betray me you won't get your way. i've learned not to give respect if it's not given to me. and if you still think your shit don't stink farther from the truth you could not be. say you want to lend a helping hand but all you have to offer is a scam.

cross your heart and hope to die. stuck a needle in your eye. addiction is all you own. it picks the meat off of your bones. you have the gutter in your veins. all the heart but not the brains. to know when to pull back on the reins and stop laying tracks for more than trains.

gnawing at my core. nothing hurts anymore. and if it happened not so often i'd be able to handle the strain. but knowing you know where it hurts makes it easier to take the pain. and i've only wanted to relieve the pressure that we feel. our courage barely covers us and begins to crack and peel. there's no room for self pity. there's only room left for the real to be strong and shrug it off like it's no big deal. compassion and determination will only lead us to a place where you can trust in me and i can trust in you.

you'll never see the likes of you. i can't deny its secretive when i stray away from you. i cannot take this, put both of your hands inside my mouth. reach down and feel my density. its not what we thought it would be. i've seen the worst rise up and helped the best ones fall down to their knees. when you're lying to me and not next to me i don't want to believe it was just a dream. i don't want to talk about it. don't feel that I'm being narrow-minded. its just that i know what's best for me. won't let these expectations determine what i should be. i know what's best for me. i thought i should take the risk. how were we to know it would be like this. breaking under its own density. its not what we thought it would be. i will never find another. my words in one ear and out the other . you've got the upper hand held out to catch me when i feel i'm gonna fall and after all of this still the only one i trust is you and after all of this, still the only one i trust is you

i only work on the outside. i deceive with appearance. this structure holds up an armor but these guts just hang down. your findings are all uprooted. challenge your will to stay. nothing shows clear from the surface. this glare can blind. some will die to be heard. i've taken a hostage but i have no demands. i can teach you all i don't know about respect. assure myself i'm not dreaming. i strangle things i should embrace. the trap that i have made is big enough for us both. the wakes behind me combine and swell. loose ends never cease their chase.

i'm convinced i'm healed and then run myself to ruin once again. i wish i could crawl out of this skin. run myself to ruin once again. got a light so i can see. i've lost my way. don't try to follow me. i learn to lie to everyone. honesty sinks like the setting sun. spare some change. a change is what i need. stuck in the same routine. breathe me in like i am air. hold your breath to keep me there.

bombs still ringing in his ears. speaks to voices only he hears. he longs for stolen sanity. in every face he sees the enemy. he fights the ghosts of years before and fights to win in his own war. never fought to save politicians' lives. killed each day just to survive. never thought he would come back alive. now he begs each day just to survive. returning without glory. no one listened to his story. as he tells it standing on the street asking for hand-outs or something to eat.

ten on one. you won't rise by another's demise. trigger control. blast another hole. this poor soul lies lifeless and cold. ignorance clear. how you spread fear to those raising families here. ten on one. have some fun. beat some heads and shoot your guns. you destroy opportunity for those who want to be free to make something better of their lives. better than your stupidity. carry the guilt of blood you spilled. you live in the violence that you build. caught in the fire. a life expired. realize only peace brings you higher. killing your future and others as well. you turn life into hell. a child's life ended by your gun in your attempt to be a big man. shot another innocent one.

get out of the city. head down to the sea. caught between buildings it's so far away from me. need space to breathe. find some relief. wide open space to soothe me. caught up in this machine. rip myself loose. tear myself free. i try to leave. it follows me. strangling hands won't let me be. you feel the same as me. caught in catastrophe. the peace of mind we try to find doesn't come naturally. my mind feels wicked and unclean. surrounded by the violent and obscene. clear from my gaze this sickened haze. i'll fight my way out of this maze.

some things just aren't worth it. you're wasting your energy. maintain a self destructive course wasting away. insisting on self deceit. you lead yourself to misery. setting yourself up. refuse to believe you're empty. don't know what you're chasing. strive for superficiality. word travels fast. i guess honesty never lasts. i know where you're from. I've seen how you've become so easily amused. lost sight of anything real. satisfied without feeling passion. fathoms to touch bottom. treading water for so long. I need something to hold on to, anything would do. fathoms to touch bottom. treading water for so long. I need someone to hold on to, anyone but you.

trembling hands and weary eyes. give away the fact that you have been victimized. respect has now turned to disgust. the one you loved you now mistrust. blame yourself and feel like dirt. remember you are the one who has been hurt. don't take it out on yourself. it was the sick mind of someone else. believe with me you've got a friend and this pain will come to an end.

cracks in the surface cavernous and deep. spread myself too thin. i need to get more sleep. cracks on the inside. i'm falling apart. i need answers today. maybe tomorrow i'll start. wake up in the morning or maybe i don't. crawl through another day or maybe i won't. i am falling apart today. i don't feel as whole as yesterday.

try to stay calm and keep my cool. use my frustration as a tool. a small flame flickers deep inside. let it burn bright don't let it hide. just had another bad day. i let my blue sky turn grey. it made me feel so alone. thought i could handle it on my own. why do i why do i give up before i ever try. without bullets in my gun. if i wasn't stuck here i'd run. don't know where i'd go but i don't care. i just don't wanna stay here. hopeless. steal my soul away. hopeless. helpless. can't live my life this way. there was a future i had seen. beautiful and so serene. can't let it escape my grasp. let this bad day be the last.

control deeply sinks. suffocating in sleep. hurt and it never heals. just bleed all over the sheets. dreaming of a world without this town. attacking other's stability when i'm the one that hit the ground. peel apart this body with a catastrophic mind. tear my skin it's paper thin. afraid of what i'll find. burn a whole in my chest. days on end without rest. burn a hole in my pride from taking careless strides. i could think much clearer. escape my own filth. destroy any obstacles to help myself.


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